A Colourful Life of Colourful People

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Life's been filled with vesak celebrations for the past few days. it felt peaceful. yet at times some stuff do make negative emotions rise in me.

i thought i could trust the friendship with all my might. i thought i could put all my effort and the friendship would last me forever. i trusted this friendship more than the others. i even thought i could rely on this friendship for the rest of my life, thinking that it's gonna be with me to go through thick and thin. and so after the previous event i put so much effort into it, my entire heart and mind into it. i thought that after some time, with my effort to understand you, our friendship will grow strong. stronger than before. yet the entire situation disappointed me so much. so much that it hurt, and it made me feel so lost and confused. and then i start to ponder about the definition of "friends" once more.
really, i do not dislike you. neither do i hate you. no, i don't. really, maybe it's because of the emotional scar but i hope for more time. this entire incident made me break.once more.
it's not much better in school. although i do not put that much effort in, but it still made me hurt. and now this. it just felt as if the entire world's crushing. no longer knowing who to really trust and rely. it's just so tiring. this thing called emotions.

"Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you
All of my life..."

"I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life..."

"Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you and
I'm feeling it'll just be you
All of my life ..."

some parts of the lyrics from the song "it might be you" by stephen bishop. it really describes how i used to feel. and now i start to doubt my own feeling. lost.

stop crying, idiot. stop. if this friendship's gonna break, just remember it brought you beautiful memories that made you smile from the bottom of your heart. just know that, after some time, you'll just turn into strangers and strangers won't hurt anymore..the scar's not gonna hurt anymore..although it might still be deep in your bones, but at least, the scar won't hurt any longer. it's gonna be pale and shiny, because the pain would have faded, and the pain, will be gone until someone tries to dig into the flesh to see what's within your bone

"It is the shou so deep it is in your bones. The pain of the flesh is nothing. The pain you must forget. Because sometimes that is the only way to remember what is in your bones. You must peel off your skin, and that of your mother, and her mother before her. until there is nothing. no scar, no skin, no flesh." -- the joy luck club, "Scar".

and thanks to those who were there for me. maddie and ivan.

I had a real good time @ 5:02 PM
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