A Colourful Life of Colourful People

Monday, April 03, 2006

was bickering with ros and charr charr about STARs throughout the entire day. set me on a thinking journey yet it was fun. i don't know why. it was just fun bickering with them. hehes. i think ros must be prepared to gimme a treat cos it's impossible for the stars to happen. wahaha.
apparently some other people heard us shouting and what not but were confused by stars so i suppose they were seeing stars all over their head. hahax..i was very high today. went to school banging my head with the JLC book saying im feeling very guilty while dawn goes zhiyang is very cute. so in the end it came out like this: "I feel very guilty zhiyang is very cute" => "i feel very guilty that zhiyang is very cute" lols. and right smack in the morning i spilled coffee on my skirt. so i had a blue, brown and white nanhua skirt.
got an orange water bottle today. =]
meanwhile saw jianwei and he was like staring at me as if i was some alien. psychopath yea, alien?no.
despite figuring out some stuff with certain people, it still feels like im in this sea of darkness, still pondering, still lost, still confused, still unsure of what to do. and then i start to hesitate about some stuff. maybe that promise made was just...not right. it felt so weird after since. will you let go if i choose the other path? yet again, it's a promise, so i will nevertheless try my very best to fulfil it. im prepared, yet i realised i still need more time. i don't know...it's tough for me. i thought i could stand up. yet i realised i haven't properly recuperated and so im limping away, and i can't catch up with you while i try my best to. and then i start to ponder, was it too fast? i should have given myself more time. there's this voice deep within me that neither of us will be able to fulfil our promises made the moment we part. im sorry, but i just realised i still feel that tinge of pain within me. sorry..i don't know...i don't think you can rely on me that much 'cos i think i'll make you feel alone once more, it feels like im about to fall again sooner or later, and leave you. for good. because up till now i still can't bring myself to look at you and smile. i still can't bring myself to look at you in the eyes. i can't even bring myself to say hi to you and this hurts a lot, i'm pretty much at a lost at this moment in time. what to do with this? really, i feel like falling to the ground right now, give it a good cry and let out all that's bleeding in me. im pretty tired. not just because of you. sorry. continue on your journey while i leave you again for a moment, but im unsure whether i'll be back this time round.

I had a real good time @ 5:40 PM
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