A Colourful Life of Colourful People

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

miss wong was playing some song when i started thinking (too much) again. so i scribbled it down.

promise? what's that? will she ever brek her promise to him? Friendship, for heR? she doesn't know. A and B, C and D, E? she isn't sure, but it's definitely not herself. Him? are they best friends like she thought, or just good friends who communicate over the net and SMSes? they never never say hi when they meet. neither was he ever there when she needed him.G. she didn't exactly know him well enough yet, though they feel close and comfortable together. SBM. what's ever gonna happen t her if it's non-existant? A. she changed so much. or was it herself that changed, she wondered.Then again the foolish girl decides upon avoiding them. yea. again. it hurts but she can't do elsewise. save it? forget it. (missing text cos i was unable to read my own handwriting so couldn't copy)

What defined "best friends" exactly? always hanging out together? sharing secrets? always hanging out but never sharing secrets? always sharing secrets but never hanging out? suddenly she just felt so lost. who she onced thought to be a good friend turned out to be a hypocrite. but then again, isn't life just full of hypocrites? sad fact. but she never expected it to be someone so close to her. and then an image came into vision: Throwing the ring into some river or sea like typical drama serials that we always see on tv. "we are the best of friends" what acknowledges that they ARE the best of friends? feelings? then she realised, nothing. nothing but her own feelings. how many times has her own emotions and feelings failed her? countless times. so much so that she never knew how to trust herself, even. then she hopes. and she loses hope. then she braces herself up. then she embarks on the entire journey once more. and then she realised that she was standing on the edge of the cliff. jump or turn back. so she carrys herself back to square 1. then she recuperatres. and she tries to climb it once more. and the next moment she's slipped off the edge of the cliff she thought wouldn't be there any longer. that's when she breaks. totally. and she starts wondering, at this moment, why was she penning her thoughts down in the midst of her chinese lesson while her chinese teacher is going cuckoo playing some song by wang fei. then it reminded her of "diary of a mad housewife".
She'd better get back to class. her mind. she oughtta stop writing and then the teacher starts spouting nonsense once more. and so she continues thinking and thinking, and she realised she has no more to think. too tired to. good grief before she never stops.

I had a real good time @ 9:27 PM
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